niina.amniisia » bits, pieces and photos from sydney, australia and elsewhere

neglect (Wednesday February 5th, 1997 - 00:00)

category: mmhuh?

Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m neglecting things, and although I think about them every day, I still do nothing about it. Whether I’m neglecting a friend, doing work, cleaning my room, or whatever else it’s possible to neglect, the guilt is usually so little that it can be ignored.

Neglecting a friend creates the most guilt for me. They may ring up and say “I haven’t seen you in months” and they power-up the guilt-machine inside me. On the other hand, neglecting to clean my room creates very little guilt as the room can’t complain (and in my honest opinion my room likes being a tad unorganised). I don’t like the way I find it so easy to neglect people for if someone I care about decides however briefly not to pay attention I kick up a fuss.

A long-time friend of mine died on the 17th of January this year. The realisation that people can suddenly, without warning, disappear, whether it be through death or just moving away, has rushed my thoughts around. I’ve realised that I can forgive myself for the neglect of cleaning my room, as long as I spend my time not-neglecting those that are capable of creating a guilt in me because, in honesty, it’s me creating the guilt as I know what I’m doing is wrong.

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